He was a touchy kind of person before he died too. Now part of it makes a bit more sense. It's how he knows he's still alive. And not dreaming. God his dreams are beyond fucked up now.

"I didn't want to die. But I accepted it. Waking up again...after. I don't know." He settles on that because anything else would feel like a lie. "...I only went back to the ship the one time. To get you guys your gifts. I haven't been back since." As long as they're coming clean about things, this should be one of them.

"The door back....it's where I died. I can't tell the others about it because it's fucked up enough without them having to relive that. And I haven't gone back because...I don't want to see it, either. Been living here mostly, eating in the commercial district and crashing on couches."