"It's a bit of a long story," Jim answers, but not in a tone that indicates he's trying to excuse himself from telling it. He takes a moment to try to gather his thoughts, pin down exactly when things started going off the rails, and how much he can tell. A lot happened all at once, or one after the other, and not every detail is relevant. Or non-classified.
"I guess it really started before we even got back to Earth. We were on a survey mission that went south, and I made some bad decisions because I thought I could get away with it. Reported back to find out my stupidity got me demoted to first officer." He toys with his glass a little, needing to do something with his hands, because trying to talk about Pike without some kind of distraction is probably going to lead to some embarrassing tears, mood-boosters or not. "I told you before about my mentor, Admiral Pike, the guy who dared me into enlisting. He was going to be the captain - my captain." And even though Jim knows he would have hated playing second in command of his own starship, a part of him wonders what it would have been like, under Pike. The first man who ever gave a damn about Jim Kirk, who gave him a second chance when he shouldn't have had any left.
"I found that out about thirty seconds before we got called to an emergency session at Headquarters," he continues, and this is the hardest part of the whole story, the one where the loss was the most personal. "Captains and first officers only, for every vessel in range. There'd been a Starfleet data archive bombed in London, and we were being pulled for a manhunt to find the guy responsible. We didn't get that far. It was a trap to get us all in the same room together. No shields, giant window to the outside." He shakes his head slightly and takes a deeper drink from his glass. After the fact, now he wonders if anyone at Starfleet had seen it coming, or if Jim truly was the first person to put the pieces together. Too late, of course. Did Marcus's warmongering go that far? He can't dismiss the possibility.
"I managed to take down the jumpship before Khan could shoot everyone," he says, his voice a bit unsteady, "but he got away. Beamed out. And he'd done plenty of damage by then. Everyone but me, Spock, and Marcus got hit. Pike was gone before I got to him." And that truly hurts, that he didn't get a chance to even say goodbye, that their last words to each other was an argument, no matter how professional it was. His voice falters. "He wouldn't have even been there if it wasn't for me."
no subject
"I guess it really started before we even got back to Earth. We were on a survey mission that went south, and I made some bad decisions because I thought I could get away with it. Reported back to find out my stupidity got me demoted to first officer." He toys with his glass a little, needing to do something with his hands, because trying to talk about Pike without some kind of distraction is probably going to lead to some embarrassing tears, mood-boosters or not. "I told you before about my mentor, Admiral Pike, the guy who dared me into enlisting. He was going to be the captain - my captain." And even though Jim knows he would have hated playing second in command of his own starship, a part of him wonders what it would have been like, under Pike. The first man who ever gave a damn about Jim Kirk, who gave him a second chance when he shouldn't have had any left.
"I found that out about thirty seconds before we got called to an emergency session at Headquarters," he continues, and this is the hardest part of the whole story, the one where the loss was the most personal. "Captains and first officers only, for every vessel in range. There'd been a Starfleet data archive bombed in London, and we were being pulled for a manhunt to find the guy responsible. We didn't get that far. It was a trap to get us all in the same room together. No shields, giant window to the outside." He shakes his head slightly and takes a deeper drink from his glass. After the fact, now he wonders if anyone at Starfleet had seen it coming, or if Jim truly was the first person to put the pieces together. Too late, of course. Did Marcus's warmongering go that far? He can't dismiss the possibility.
"I managed to take down the jumpship before Khan could shoot everyone," he says, his voice a bit unsteady, "but he got away. Beamed out. And he'd done plenty of damage by then. Everyone but me, Spock, and Marcus got hit. Pike was gone before I got to him." And that truly hurts, that he didn't get a chance to even say goodbye, that their last words to each other was an argument, no matter how professional it was. His voice falters. "He wouldn't have even been there if it wasn't for me."