nexus_sages | A memorial of sorts

"I've had about two pots of coffee, one was even fresh."

He does indeed take a cookie. Yay breakfast cookie.

"Okay, you know it pains me to say this because I love coffee, but that's not food. You need to eat." This is not a discussion. She might let him have some semblance of control in deciding what he eats, but he's going to have a proper meal.

"Well, yes but..."

Yeah he's got nothing and he knows it. He'd be saying the same thing.

"I suppose. I hadn't thought about it yet." Or at all.

She's anticipating a fight when he gets to the "but"; her expression takes on a preemptively incredulous cast that doesn't quite relax when the argument fails to materialize. "Then isn't it good you've got a really bossy friend to look after you? So will I be taking you home, or to the cafe?"

There's a moment when he just stares at here, before shaking his head with a smile.

"So it would seem, yes. I don't suppose I could coerce you into just getting me something from nearby so I can continue working? If I promised to stop long enough to eat it with you here?"

What? She knows she's bossy. That's not always a bad thing.

"Okay. But you have to promise you'll sit down and try to relax while you're eating. Is there anything particular that sounds appetizing?"

He almost asks for curry, but then stares at his cup of coffee. Curses.

"Something with rice would be nice. A stir fry?"

What? Coffee and curry together are disgusting. Sure fire way to ruin two of his favorite things.

"Okay." She gives him a smile and slips her arms around him for a quick hug. "I won't be gone long," she promises.

And she really isn't. In part because she's running there and back once she's around a corner and he can't see her. She'll have to remember to thank Samus for pushing her so hard these past few months. She's barely winded when she gets back.

"You have a choice: steak, shiitake, and snow pea; or pork, tangerine, and bok choi in chili sauce. There's also some pork and cabbage gyoza, and Pu-erh tea."

The hug is not unwelcome, just slightly confusing. She was being very friendly today. In a more physical way. He doesn't question it--it's rather nice. He just thought...well. It doesn't really matter.

"I'll stick with the one with the snow peas please." Katsuya is not actually one for spicy foods too much and chili sauce sounds daunting on an empty stomach.

True to his word, he pulls up a chair and settles in to take a break from depressing question and answer time to recharge with a bowl of rice and stir fry. He will even try a couple of the gyoza just to prove he eats.

There are reasons for this change. She'd try to explain it if he asked, how she's relieved to not be keeping that horrible secret from him anymore and that since he didn't freak out last time she thinks it's allowed now.

She'll set his container in front of him and pour him some tea before she sits. She isn't sure what to talk about, so she'll tell him a story. It's a Loki story; all her best stories are Loki stories. It's about the time Sigurd the Ever-Glorious, first hero of Asgard, came to steal Gram, the sword of truth. Sigurd was invisible, and also such a bad flirt they never figured out who he was actually flirting with; Loki was a chatterbox and also a swashbuckler. There was witty banter, epic fighting, a broken window, a fall into a dumpster, and eventually Sigurd walked away with the sword.

"And by the time Loki got out of the shower, dinner was ruined. Salmon just can't be reheated well so he had to start all over."

It's no surprise that she clearly loves Loki. But there's no sign they were ever romantic. Just friends.

In case he was worried about that.

Katsuya is a good listener. He asks all the right sorts of engaging questions, nods along even around mouthfuls of food and doesn't interrupt.

"No wonder you don't have a television." Katsuya snorts. "Your life is interesting enough on its own."

She gives a little smile and a shrug. "Sometimes. It wasn't all sword fighting and raiding the deepest darkest Asgardian dungeons and getting kidnapped. He'd probably prefer if it were told that way."

One of the gyoza gets pushed around a bit before she picks it up. "He so wants to be able to live his life on his own terms. I think maybe that's why we're such good friends. Neither of us knows what the hell we're doing alone, but we make a great team."

Katsuya nods along as best he can. He's never had someone like that, so it's difficult for him to understand. He's had role models, people he's admired. Even people he'd come to care for.

But a friend, closer than blood who he could share anything with? Not even close. Baofu was probably the closest friend he had and--well. That spoke volumes.

The subject of Loki makes Katsuya uncomfortable. Not because he feels threatened. He honestly chose to out himself in a way that kept Verity from knowing just so he wouldn't have to have her worrying about it. Whatever Loki was to her, Katsuya didn't want to get in the way.

He's uncomfortable because he doesn't want to tell her he's okay. He doesn't know. Nor does he want to ask if there had been any news from him, because he's seen her cry enough for a lifetime. It wrenches his heart to think about causing it on purpose.

"I expect he doesn't like the more mundane 'Loki mistook the sugar for the salt again' stories about him, then." Katsuya smiles a little into his rice bowl.

"They weren't the best cookies I'd ever had," she admits quietly, watching him and wondering why he's so uncomfortable. She'd thought he had enjoyed the story, but... apparently not. "I'm sorry, I'm boring you. Would you rather talk about something else?"

It's going to be hard to mourn all alone.

"What, Verity no." Katsuya sets his food down. "Why do you always assume the worst?"

"...I wanted to ask if you'd heard any news about him. But..." He sighs. "I didn't want to make you cry again."

She looks at him for a long moment. How can he ask her that? Does he really not get it?

Then she looks down. "No. It's okay to ask. Sorry."

"See? I'm doing it again." Katsuya pinches his nose and sighs. "I just. I try so hard not to make you upset. I hate to see you cry, or in pain." He shifts uncomfortably.

"You've had to deal with so much, the least I can try to do is be considerate But...I..I'm sorry."

"No. Shh. No. You haven't done anything wrong. I'm in mourning, I'm... touchy, right now. I'm probably going to be for a long time." But she's reaching across the table, seeking one of his hands. "It's okay if you don't want to hear stories, that doesn't upset me... much. I'm more upset that you're keeping a secret from me."

"Mourning." Katsuya's eyes go a bit wide. It had happened. Oh, oh shit. Oh no. Did she have time to--oh shit ohnoohno...how is she functional right now?! Katsuya almost jumps out of his seat he's so startled.

I mean he knew it was happening but like, not...sixty people dead in the Nexus and Verity's whole world is gone. He's not hungry anymore. He feels sick.

"You can always tell me stories if it makes you happy. Verity. I...I didn't..realize..So soon.." He swallows thickly.

Edited 2015-09-17 05:03 (UTC)

She sighs softly. This is not helping, Katsuya. She's bending herself backward trying to take care of you and you're making her feel so much worse.

"No. It hasn't yet. Please, calm down. It's okay." She should not have to be doing this. What kind of a lousy boyfriend is he? She sits back again, her unwelcome hand retreating into her lap. "It's like knowing someone's going to die of cancer or something. Except... nevermind. You have enough to worry about."

"...No, I...I understand." He thinks. Sometimes he wonders if he ever understands what's going on with Verity. He wonders if she feels the same about him. Communication does not come easily to either of them.

He is going to have to work on that, because this dance they're accidentally doing now is gong to kill both of them at this rate.

"I thought...I mean.." It was obvious what he thought. He's a moron. "...Please tell me about Loki.' He tries again. He means it. He'll break the cycle of apologizing, start over. Just to see her smile again.

She shakes her head, not looking up. "Not right now. Maybe later."

He's right about how this is going to kill them. She has no idea what's going on with him most of the time. Maybe it's what she deserves, to be pushed away by everyone she tries to trust. Maybe it's what she's earned, her karmic debt for walking away.

"Do you regret what you said the other day? It's okay if you want to take it back, I wouldn't blame you." She really wouldn't.

Okay well that didn't work either. What is he doing wrong?

"Do I..." What was there to regret? I mean aside form all the misunderstandings that made Verity cry. He regrets those a lot. Okay. You can do this, Katsuya.

"The only thing I regret is ever causing you distress. Which I have, on several occasions. And those I regret." He cannot be more clear than that. "However, I do not regret promising to be there for you, offering you a safe place in my home. That I didn't mind caring for you. You would have known had I not been sincere."

Oh Katsuya, you beautiful cinnamon roll.

She gives a little nod. There's a lot there she wants to discuss, but there's something else she needs to know first.

"You said something in Japanese. Hontōni daisuki, I think?" She peeks up at him, scared but needing to know. If he regrets that, there's not much point to the rest of the conversation. "Sometimes... people change their minds..."

Even though she's just parroting back something he'd said to her, he flushes to the tips of his ears.

Clears his throat.

Again.

"Yes, I believe I did. N-no...I do not regret that either."

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