Performance Anxiety

[gate_crasher]

A white-scaled lizard in bright-polished armor sits on a wrought-iron bench in the Forum, his helmet on the seat beside him. In his hands, he cradles a large, irregular spike of some strange, purple crystal. After contemplating its depths for some time, he looks up to address the passerby.

"I am no stranger to unexpected duty," he begins, "but how does one rise to meet an unexpected trust?"

To explain, he gestures to the crystal he holds. "This stone holds the soul of the Archmage. He placed it there, that I might be protected in facing its master. We spoke but briefly, before he put himself into it. He wished me to take his place, stand as Archmage and lead the Guild. It is scant months since I even joined, how can I do what is needed, know what is needed, to lead? The guild is already rent by conflict, how do I prevent worse arising from resentment?"

Comments

[magnetite_plz]

"I don't know, you seemed to have negotiated with demons rather well." Leanan is always aware of when her master is frequenting the Nexus, and is not shy about appearing lounging in a nearby chair, looking all for the world as though she owns the forum.

"You don't have to accept the responsibility. you could entrust it to someone you feel more worthy."

[gate_crasher]

Shade-Seeker would be deeply uncomfortable if he knew "master" were a term Leanan still attaches to him, but she gets a hand raised and a head bowed in greeting when she speaks. As for his prowess negotiating with demons, well, he won't point out that he apparently formed a pact with her by accident while blitzed out of his mind by her charm spells if she doesn't.

"Recent turmoil within the guild has shown me that some of those most trusted should not have been. If Traven was so misled, how can I avoid the same mistake? I dare not save the guild, only to place it into hands that are unworthy."

[magnetite_plz]

Sarcasm, Seeker. Sarcasm all of it. Leanan uses the term master quite loosely. It's a convenient word to describe the pact between them that does not allow her to not be aware when he is conducting himself around the nexus.

"Then punish them. Cleanse the filth and do what must be done. you're not human, don't make their droll mistakes about right and wrong. If they're unworthy, then do what needs to be done. Do I have to hold your hand for such a simple task?"

[gate_crasher]

That gets a raised brow-ridge and an unimpressed expression. The Crusader and heir-apparent Archmage doesn't appreciate her answer on a number of levels.

"Those whose treachery stands revealed have been dispatched already. One... was loyal, but tried to use a tool beyond his ken to summon forces in his defense that he could not control, and was destroyed by them. This is a guild reeling from loss and wracked by suspicion--to purge those I mislike by fire and sword will not salve those hurts."

[magnetite_plz]

He and Leanan do disagree on a number of ideals, though true to her word she hasn't hurt anyone since she became linked to the Crusader. He'd know it if she had.

She still talks like the world is her oyster and the lives on it her playthings, but it's all just talk, nowadays.

"If you be stronger than they, then who is more worthy than you? What is there to worry about. You can't even harm people when commanded to, why would you deem yourself unfit to manage a group of magic toying men?" Come now, Shade Seeker, you're making your vassal look weak by default, waffling around like this.

[gate_crasher]

He does know, and that at least is a comforting thought.

"Strength confers no right to lead," he answers. "At least not in my eyes. What is built by force does not last."

[magnetite_plz]

"No but wisdom does. And you've clearly the foresight to know what not to do. Ergo, that only leaves what should be done. I've done my job if I've given you several ideas on how not to handle this. You're too good to force them, too pure to manipulate them, and too benevolent to discipline them. By forcing you to argue what not to do, you've proven yourself what...thrice now? That you're the most qualified."

She turns over from where she's lounging on the couch, laying on her stomach now and kicking one foot in the air while she talks.

"Face it, you're a born leader, whether you like it or not."

[nodamselnodistress]

Aglaia's looking less blood-soaked than the last time they saw each other. The lack of demon invasions may have slowed down her adventuring, but it's given her time to buy a new dress. She'd almost look the proper princess, except for the whole Minotaur thing.

Nobody's perfect.

She raises a hand to Shade-Seeker with a friendly-for-her grin. She may look a little feral, but he's not her prey.

"There is always resentment when one rises to a rank unobtainable to others by that rise," she offers her battlefield companion. "Do you seek the be popular with all within this guild, or do you seek to lead well? The two are often incompatible."

[gate_crasher]

He raises an answering hand, head dipping in greeting. "Your highness, good day. I hope you are well?"

At her question, he sighs. "I seek to lead well. I realize I cannot be universally popular, but I am in many ways a neophyte, lifted absurdly high by strange circumstances. I am not even a journeyman of most of the magical arts, many who have studied the craft longer and attained greater skill will ask by what right an ignorant child shall lead them."

[nodamselnodistress]

"I am, my friend, quite well. As I hope are you." This is close enough to permission and asking for it for her; down she sits on the bench with him, daintily enough to not damage anything or send him flying into space like it were a cartoon see-saw.

His rationalizing gets a thoughtful sound from her and shut up she's not mooing. "Ah, I see the confusion. Leadership is not the same as power. One may spend ones life obtaining knowledge, magic, skill, power, and this is well. But leadership by brute force will not last well, nor will it build a strong foundation for the next generation. Perhaps you are seen as the best leader because of your lack of obsessive skill."

She holds up a hand to forestall the inevitable questioning of this theory. "You are somewhat studied in all the schools of magic studied in this guild, yes? And so you are able to understand the theories, appreciate the accomplishments, and know what provisions are required for further study. But you are not so withdrawn from the world that you cannot see the greater design. You are capable of brick-laying and also the plan-designing."

[gate_crasher]

He listens attentively, brow ridges furrowing slightly as he follows her logic, weighing her arguments and looking for flaws in her reasoning. "You make fair points," he concedes, "and I thank you for them. I think that I know, in my heart, that I would not feel right, should I pass this task to another. But I do worry, and wonder, how to soothe those who object long enough for my efforts to prove their worth."

[nodamselnodistress]

"Some will not be soothed. Some do not wish to be. There are people who are only happy when they are unhappy. It would be unkind to ignore their very nature and insist they do so as well, would it not?" She has little patience for such fools, but they are free to be fools on their own time.

[gate_crasher]

"This is true," he concedes. "What of you? We have not spoken since the battle."

[notalldead]

"Well, if the last cowpoke in charge trusts y'all to fill his boots, he must have seen somethin' leader-like in y'all. Sometimes if y'don't trust yerself, y'gotta trust the people who trust you. They're seein' y'all from a different angle and are seein' that y'got what it takes."

Jesse tugs at his belt before slipping his thumbs through a pair of belt loops. "I've found bein' a leader comes down to trustin' yer gut a lot too. I figgur the guy you're replacin' was doin' just that. Especially if the gang's already squabblin', it's prolly best to get a guy who's on the outside o' all that."

[gate_crasher]

Shade-Seeker smiles, raising a hand in greeting. "You make fair points, and I thank you for them. I will be equal to this. I must be equal to this. I only entertain a moment's doubt here, where those I will lead need never see."

[notalldead]

Jesse grimaces in understanding and sympathy. "Yeah. Sometimes y'all gotta afford yerself that. A moment to wonder an' doubt. I think any leader who don't do that isn't fit to hold his station. Gotta keep humble and gotta keep, uh...I'd say human, but that don't apply to either of us in the more literal sense, do it?"

[gate_crasher]

He chuckles. "I am not human, no. But I would not presume to speak for you."

[notalldead]

"I'm somethin' more post-human, I think." Jesse grins and rocks on his heels. "Think I gave up the rights to that name around the time I turned green and my heart stopped beatin'.

"In any case, sorry that this responsibility done got dumped in yer lap like it sounds. But like I said, the guy saw somethin' special in ya. Yer prolly up to the task." He winks.

[gate_crasher]

"Mm. That may be a question for the philosophers. If one still has the shape of humanity, the ancestry of it, if one thinks and feels as man, is one not still so? A riddle, perhaps."

The wink gets another smile. "I thank you, for the empathy and the confidence, both."

[drehnifusbahi]

"If you find an answer to that, I'd be interested in hearing it."

A fair amount of time seems to have passed for Vanyel since his last foray into the Nexus; not enough to visibly age him, but... he certainly seems wearier, and that distinctive Elvish(?) armor of his looks a little more battered, a little worse for the wear.

[gate_crasher]

"Vanyel!" Grinning, Shade-Seeker sets the soul gem back in his pack and rises, clapping his friend warmly on the arm. "It is good to see you! How have you been?"

[drehnifusbahi]

It isn't difficult to summon up a grin as he returns that gesture. "Ah, well enough. And you?"

[gate_crasher]

"The times have been interesting. I am fighting necromancers as much as daedra, these days," he answers, "and trying to keep the mages' guild together. How frustrating it would be to finally join, only to have it fall apart, eh?"

[drehnifusbahi]

"Indeed. I suppose I should be grateful that at least the College wasn't in danger of falling entirely." Although, if he remembers his dates correctly, the Guild didn't last too long after the end of the Third Era...

[gate_crasher]

Yeah, someone might want to share some foreshadowing hints with Shade-Seeker. He won't see the guild go quietly.

"I will prop it up with a stick, if need be," he promises, "but I do not think that will be needed. Even with the hard times, there are good people in the Guild, doing good work. Ah, but here I am, going on, but not asking of you! Do forgive me: what news in your own travels, my friend?"