nexus_sages | a helpful hand.

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a helpful hand.

Maybe it's the fact that she's recently learned how to cook here in the Nexus, or maybe it's just that the whole royalty thing doesn't hold much weight any longer, but Iphigenia has (surprise, surprise) a question for anyone in the Forum who will listen.

"How do you determine if you are useful or not?"

She pauses a moment, half-regretting her wording. This isn't coming out right.

"What I mean to say--or ask, rather--is: what is helpful to you, coming from others? And do you let people help you in the first place?"

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"I think that does make sense," she replies, smiling at Amelia, glad to see another friendly face. "Sometimes you don't realize you need something until, well, it's almost too late. And it is then that you are the most grateful."

"I think you said it more eloquently that I possibly could have. Perhaps, though, my own fall is so recent that finding the words is as difficult as finding my feet right now." She motions for Iphigenia to sit. No need to stand if they're going to have a conversation as deep as this one.

"I've answered your second set of questions... did you still want an answer to the first?" There's a bit of hesitation as she asks that, but Amelia's not trying to bait Iphigenia into anything. If she says 'no,' Amelia will be fine with moving on.

She sits next to Amelia, looking down a moment before responding.

"I think I do," Iphigenia replies. "I want to be useful, for one thing, and I cannot determine yet if I am or not."

"Every person must determine for themselves what makes them useful," Amelia says softly.

It takes her a moment to gather her thoughts before she continues. "Back home, I did many things for many people. I ran my family's business, helped people out of dangerous situations, acquired items that some thought impossible to obtain, took out the competition if someone asked me to." She doesn't sound particularly proud of that last admission. "All of these things were useful to other people in some way. They asked for help and I gave it to them. But only when I was doing something that I thought was worthy did I ever feel helpful. And even then, my efforts weren't always appreciated."

Amelia frowns as she shifts her gaze from Iphigenia to the ground in front of her feet. "In the end, you have to learn how to measure yourself. If you let yourself be measured by others, you will never feel complete. If you measure yourself by the impact of your actions, you may feel like you can never do enough. But if you do what you think is right, if you offer what you can to others as you're able, and measure yourself based on how much of yourself you're putting into your actions, then you can begin to find a balance."

"You sound like you've thought this through," she says, her voice soft. "I thought I was being useful to my father and his army, back home, when I agreed to willingly die for my country, for the war. But now that I'm here, I'm not so certain I'm very useful at all."

She bites her lip, thinking.

"Maybe you're right. There needs to be a balance. And I'm still learning."

Amelia's quiet for a minute before she speaks. "I did a terrible thing. I hurt a lot of people and made myself truly alone. I had to think about these things. I had to take time to really figure out what I want from life." She sighs softly. "I'm still figuring it out and I have a long way to go until I'm ready to say I'm the person I want to be. But I've made the effort to start, and that's an important thing to have done."

There's another long pause, during which Amelia plays with the hem of one of her sleeves. "Everyone is learning all the time. There's no easy balance and anyone who says they've figured it out without effort is lying. The difference is that those of us who have to begin again have the most clarity in finding our balance."

"And I too have had to begin again--here, I mean."

She looks down, grimacing.

"I have had no other choice. But I'm still grateful."

She is grateful, but it's something Iphigenia is still wrestling with emotionally.

"Sometimes having no choice in the matter makes the decision that much harder." She offers Iphigenia a small, sad smile, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. "Still, being grateful is a good place to be. It will make the next steps easier."

Amelia's not grateful for this choice she's made. Not yet. It was one made of desperation, of knowing that if she didn't change, it would kill her. Perhaps only metaphorically, but what good is an empty life anyway?

"I hope so," she says quietly. "I don't want to be living here and not recognixe how lucky I am."

She would be dead otherwise. She is acutely aware of this.

But it's still a struggle.

"The fact that you make the effort means you're making progress. You've got an advantage over many of us trying to figure out what we're doing here - you've got a spirit that wants to see new and beautiful things, and will do anything to make that happen."

It doesn't make it any less of a struggle, but Amelia hopes this will help give the princess at least a little more confidence in herself.

"I suppose I'm determined to be...to be content." She has to smile a little at that.

"I mean, I don't want to wallow in my own misery. Acknowledge it, yes, but one must move on eventually."

Someday, she thinks, she will put her past pain behind her.

"It's a valorous goal, to be sure. The fact that you're so open about it means you're already making progress, and that's not a feat to be taken lightly." This time Amelia's smile is more open, honest.

"I'm certain you can do it, Iphigenia. If you believe, and you put in the effort, I know you can do this."

She's smiling a little more now as well.

"I'm glad I have at least one person who understands and has hope for me."

"Let no one ever say that you're alone in this," she answers with a smile. "Your actions may be your own, but there are many who wish to see you content with your life."

"I am truly glad for that, believe me," Iphigenia replies. "It means so much to me."

"As those of us who know you are glad to have met you." Her smile widens a bit. "If you ever need help in finding your way, do not hesitate to reach out to this network of people. Someone will surely be able to help."

"Oh, I am certain of it." She grins. "I've never had so many friends in my life."

If Iphigenia is implying that Amelia is her friend, then the rogue has no idea. Literally, no clue. Best not to worry her too much with the details right now, though.

Amelia laughs softly at her grin. "This place seems to be very good at providing people exactly what they need, right when they need it. A fresh start, lots of friends, a safe home... The Nexus seems to have everything."

Iphigenia laughs a little as well, clearly more comfortable now.

"It does, doesn't it? It's almost magical, in a way."

"Magical is one word for it, yes." Not one Amelia would use, but a lack of knowledge of magic will do that. "Whatever one might call it, I think it's amazing."

"Every day, I thank the gods that I am here," she says. "It is amazing."

"Then let's not waste time speaking of it and simply enjoy it instead!" Amelia laughs and stands, nodding off toward the general Forum. "There's so much left to discover here."

"Yes!" she agrees, standing as well, clearly in a better mood now. "I agree. We should explore."

"How could anyone possibly say 'no' to such an enthusiastic reaction?" Amelia laughs softly, but it's clearly not directed at Iphigenia. "If that's the case, where would you like to explore today?"

"I've only really stayed around here--perhaps the Parklands? They sound like they'd be worthy of exploration," she replies.

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rogueinladysclothing - 2015-11-19 04:01 (UTC) - Expand

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