Amelia Royer (Ronsam) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rogueinladysclothing) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
nexus_sages2015-10-09 10:58 am
rogueinladysclothing) wrote in nexus_sages2015-10-09 10:58 am
Entry tags:
Sometimes, lying isn't an option
The Nexus' resident rogue seems to be in a strange mood today as she paces along one of the main streets of the Forum. Despite her rather severe expression, she seems to be in better spirits than the last time she asked a question, if the lack of weapons has anything to say about it. True, she's still sporting a few daggers and her slingshot, but that appears to be all. She also lacks the chest armor she normally wears over her shirt and corset, though the very modest neckline of her shirt should keep anyone from suspecting she's trying some new angle on them. Something seems amiss, though. While she paces, her gaze is fixed on the paved street under her feet and her hands are clasped firmly together behind her back.
After a few minutes of this she stops in her pacing and looks up to the Forum at large.
"I'm not very good at being honest about certain things, and that makes it difficult to get my point across when I am telling the truth." A small frown plays at her lips and her brow furrows with thought. This is a much more difficult topic for her than for others, it seems. "How do I convince someone that the apology I owe them is honest? That it comes not from a need to buy my way into their good graces, but from an honest need to make things right?" Because she's going to need this kind of help when she actually gets around to the owed apology.
After a few minutes of this she stops in her pacing and looks up to the Forum at large.
"I'm not very good at being honest about certain things, and that makes it difficult to get my point across when I am telling the truth." A small frown plays at her lips and her brow furrows with thought. This is a much more difficult topic for her than for others, it seems. "How do I convince someone that the apology I owe them is honest? That it comes not from a need to buy my way into their good graces, but from an honest need to make things right?" Because she's going to need this kind of help when she actually gets around to the owed apology.
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"...I did something stupid a few weeks ago and never went back to fix it. Never took the time to apologize when I should have. Now I'm afraid that the gift I got for them is going to make it seem like I'm trying to buy my way back into their good graces. But, really, I just... I feel the need to get him something, because I was such an ass and he didn't deserve that."
Apparently there's some inner conflict going on over whether or not to talk about it. Either that or she's really bad at keeping herself from going off on tangents when she's in a bad mood.
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Verity sits down when Amelia does, nearby but not too close, and she'll listen with her usual care. "Ah. Yeah. No, you don't want to do that. What you should do is apologize, and then let him set the terms of the friendship. I'm guessing this isn't someone you know well. An overly elaborate gift will, at best, make you look desperate."
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She sighs and rubs the back of her neck with one hand. "I put Samus in a lot of danger for no reason, then, because I went out of my way to get him something really nice from your world." Her fingers inch their way to her hair pin and then slowly weave their way through the strands of polished flowers. "Hell, I don't even know if he'll talk to me anymore, after what I did. I don't even know if we were friends, let alone if there's still a chance to become friends."
Her lack of true social experience with friends is astounding. She still has no idea that she's made a lot of friends in the Nexus, let alone that they give a damn about her already. If she knew any better, she'd add it to the growing list of things to read about at the Nexus library.
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"So glad the death of my universe provided a good shopping trip for you."
This is what Verity gets for forgetting Amelia doesn't have time to care.
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She looks up at Verity suddenly with fiery eyes. "Look, you are the one who brought the idea to Schön. You are the one who got me brought into this. I hit every place on his list and called it good. But when an opportunity presented itself to get something of value to give to Viatorus as a gesture of good faith and a "I'm sorry I fucked up" gift, I took it. Like I've said before, I don't steal for myself. Nothing I did on this trip was for me. I couldn't care less about the art or the jewels or the weapons. I don't have a use for any of it."
...or, you know, you could run your mouth like a moron. Just like you did with Viatorus.
Seems she's going to need to apologize to Verity before this conversation is over, too.
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"No? You're only planning to bribe my friend into giving you a second chance because he's too nice to say no. That's selfish, Amelia. That's what you are. Fucking selfish." She throws her coffee cup in the trash on her way out and it's not even empty. "And the worst part is, even if I warn him he's probably still going to give you a second chance and I'm going to have to watch you hurt him the way you hurt everyone else."
Peas in a pod, these two.
But at least Verity has the sense to try to walk away?
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"What the fuck would you know about me? I've told you nothing and not without good reason." Her grip on the coffee cup in has the hot liquid spilling, seemingly unnoticed, out all over her hand. "But you... you're so fucking scared of facing the truth that you so plainly see in the world around you that you miss the point of life. You hide from the world, coming out only when absolutely necessary. If you gave a damn about anything, about anyone, you would own up to the fact that your selfish need to avoid people and their bullshit has made you cynical and childish in your desire to avoid conflict but still be comforted by all of those people you try and push away." She throws the half full coffee cup and Verity's feet, purposely missing but getting close enough to get the woman's attention. "At least when I push someone away, I fucking own up to it! At least when I want someone to go away I won't try and draw them back in. I can handle living alone for the rest of my life - can you?!"
Those last quips about herself have Verity's head ringing. Amelia may push people away, but she certainly doesn't always own up to it, she certainly will draw them back in if she finds she needs them, and she could never live the rest of her life alone, even if she believes she could.
Pot calling kettle.
Okay Ladies, Break it Up
Especially if it's Big Sis Verity.
Jim walks in between the fight like it isn't happening, scooping Verity up and into one arm wound tight around her waist, turning her abruptly away from Amelia.
"Ver! I've been looking everywhere for you. So I'm an idiot--I just realized I don't have to use replicated coffee if I can just pop in and go grocery shopping. Any recommendations for something I can keep in my quarters? Let me take you out for breakfast as an apology for intruding on your time..."
He leaves no space for argument, pulling Verity along and walking from Amelia with not so much as a harsh word. He just ignores her. Up until he pulls an apple out of his shopping bag and tosses it backwards, not even glancing back to look at it as it lands on the cushion of the couch near where the girls had been gathering until the insults started flying.
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Until the apple.
"Don't encourage her."
https://youtu.be/JoLTWgG29iQ
And she sees something completely different.
She sees distant family members, distant friends. Close, comfortable, happy... together. All those things she never was, and apparently never will be. Not with them, not with anyone.
She picks up the apple and takes a bite, completely ignoring the tears in her eyes, the physical pain that comes from the action. And once Jim and Verity are out of sight, she'll run, apple in hand, as far and as fast as she can.
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"I did seriously just realize I could use the Nexus for real coffee. I want to get something small for my quarters. Probably can't be anything like Clint has." He means with a cord and relying on the wattage and wiring of the 21st century. "Help a guy out?"
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