Sometimes, lying isn't an option

[rogueinladysclothing]

The Nexus' resident rogue seems to be in a strange mood today as she paces along one of the main streets of the Forum. Despite her rather severe expression, she seems to be in better spirits than the last time she asked a question, if the lack of weapons has anything to say about it. True, she's still sporting a few daggers and her slingshot, but that appears to be all. She also lacks the chest armor she normally wears over her shirt and corset, though the very modest neckline of her shirt should keep anyone from suspecting she's trying some new angle on them. Something seems amiss, though. While she paces, her gaze is fixed on the paved street under her feet and her hands are clasped firmly together behind her back.

After a few minutes of this she stops in her pacing and looks up to the Forum at large.

"I'm not very good at being honest about certain things, and that makes it difficult to get my point across when I am telling the truth." A small frown plays at her lips and her brow furrows with thought. This is a much more difficult topic for her than for others, it seems. "How do I convince someone that the apology I owe them is honest? That it comes not from a need to buy my way into their good graces, but from an honest need to make things right?" Because she's going to need this kind of help when she actually gets around to the owed apology.

Comments

[spacedragonmonk]

"Ah. Yannow, I got the same kinda problem myself. Well, sometimes. Not always." My my, so defensive this scaly bitch is! "Long 'n short, best thing ta do is ta do somethin' SO fucking outta yer 'character' that they know you ain't frontin for shit, get what I mean?"

[rogueinladysclothing]

The rogue crosses her arms in front of her chest as she listens, nodding a bit. "A good idea in theory, but not great in practice for someone whose life is built around making people believe whatever she wants them to." Her frown deepens. Seems her lifestyle isn't great for all these emotional things.

"Someone already knows I care about them, that I'd like to protect them, but I was an ass and I have no idea how to make them believe that I'm not trying to get close to them just to do my job. That I actually give a damn about them, you know? I have a gift, but... Given my profession, I'm afraid they'll think it's me trying to buy my way back in." She sighs heavily. "The last thing I want is to be told 'leave me alone' after all my efforts."

[smartass_captain]

"Much as I hate to say it, it's not really your call to make." Oh hey it's a familiar face, though only vaguely. Captain Kirk is missing his command golds today, walking back from the commercial district with a shopping bag in hand.

"You do what you can, you make sure you explain yourself as clear as you can...and after that..?" Jim Shrugs. "If they don't buy it, you move on."

"You can't control what people think and feel. Much as you'd like to."

[rogueinladysclothing]

Oh, look, someone she owes an apology to giving her advice. That's not awkward. Not one bit.

"My life is centered around what I can make people believe, which is what makes this all the more difficult for me." Not the fact that she's never honestly apologized to anyone ever before. Nope. That's totally a non-issue.

She gently folds her arms in front of her chest and cups her elbows, her gaze slipping from his face to the ground in front of his feet. There's a rather long silence before she speaks again. Even then, her voice is quite soft. "I don't suppose there's any way we could forget the fact that I brought up such a terrible subject when last we met? Had I known talking about where you come from was going to cause such trouble, I would never have spoken of it. It was never my intention to dredge up a topic that made you so uncomfortable."

...is she saying 'sorry' without actually saying it?

Yes. Yes she is.

[smartass_captain]

"I hear you there." Jim actually chuckles, though whether it's with her or at her is anyone's guess. "Doesn't change the fact that if someone is determined to think or feel a way, you can't force it. They either forgive you or they don't. but it's their call. If they're worth it, work on it despite the fact. If they're not...and most people aren't...you just move on. What do you care anyway? Your life is lying to people. Find someone else to lie to."

Jim doesn't really mince words. Then again. it takes a liar to know one. He doesn't sound angry. Just honest. ...About..lying.

"...What?" He..seriously doesn't remember this. Or didn't leave an impression deep enough to affect him for long. "Whatever, don't worry about it. It's water under the bridge. See? easy. now you can keep lying to me and I'll keep pretending I buy it."

[rogueinladysclothing]

She's not going to respond to that first part. That cuts a little closer to home than she wants it to and if she opens her mouth, she's going to let him have it. Best to keep it inside for now.

Is that how Jim wants to play this out? If so, game on.

"Is that so?" She regains her composure awfully fast and when her eyes meet his again, there's mischief there. Her hands settle at her sides and she takes a steps closer. "Then if what you said before was true, I want to take you up on that offer." Another step. "That one where you said I could see your ship." One last step and she's right in front of him.

A slow smirk plays at her lips as she leans up and whispers, "Show me the stars, Jim."

[smartass_captain]

"Nnnope." He pops the 'p' when he says that for that extra bit of sass. Amelia does not know life aboard the USS Sassterprise. Bones and Spock would disassemble her in a minute.

"Not happening, sorry." He gives her a brilliantly charming grin, taking half a step back.

[rogueinladysclothing]

That smirk quickly disappears into a frown. She looks honestly upset, but can that be taken as is from a professional liar?

"Are you saying you lied to me before, about bringing others back to your ship? Because that seems like a harsh thing to do to someone you just met. That's hardly a fair thing to tease someone about." Her brow furrows and her lips draw into a thin line.

"However, if you worry about my not knowing the technology which your world uses, I'm sure you'll find me in a much better place than when last we met. Give me a few days and the right literature and I'm certain I could get close enough. I've been... busy the last few weeks and have gotten used to many new things." She raises an eyebrow at him as she crosses her arms in front of her chest again. If he's not paying attention, though, he'll miss the wink.

[afaceisnothing]

The man who approaches does so cautiously. He's, in a word, huge; broad shoulders, tall, draped in a black cloak with spiked shoulders and a foreboding skull-shaped mask. He doesn't say anything for the longest time, seeming to be instead sizing up Amelia in some manner of silent...trepidation? Mistrust? He's hesitating, but with as an inscrutable figure as he cuts, it's hard to say what he hesitates for.

A table of the usual Nexus pamphlets are nearby, so the man takes one up, as well as a pen that had been resting there as well. He scratches out some words, then passes it to the rogue.

You can only offer the apology and then allow the recipient to accept it as they will. If you are trying to force the issue, the apology is no longer about making amends and more about trying to soothe your conscience or ego.

[rogueinladysclothing]

The... man? is quite foreboding to Amelia. Her stance changes subtly as he studies her - feet shoulder width apart, hands tense at her sides, weight shifted forward slightly onto the balls of her feet. It's a trained response. Being sized up like this kicks in her fight or flight instincts, though she doesn't act on them. She knows her physical limits, knows she likely has a good chance of avoiding any hands or weapons aimed at her, and that her legs can carry her up and on to a nearby rooftop as quickly as they can help her disappear into a crowd.

All of that dissipates when he passes her the pamphlet. Her muscles are still tense, but she's obviously a bit more relaxed now that she knows he wants to answer her question.

After reading his note, she looks up at his mask, which she hopes is where his face is. "But what if they don't accept it because they don't believe it's true? Am I not allowed to explain myself? To ask for them to listen while I try to make amends? Because many would not give me the benefit of the doubt."

[afaceisnothing]

He takes out another pamphlet and writes carefully in a space with as few words and pictures as possible. He doesn't want it to be illegible. Each time he passes her one, his hand withdraws back into the folds of his cloak, careful to not hand it to her too quickly or insistingly. With body language being the only thing to go off of with this guy, it's hard to see his actions as anything but hesitant. Cautious.

It is best to simply offer your apology and leave it at that. Explain if they ask you to, but do not insist on it. Sometimes people will not believe you or will not take your word at face value. All you can do is be sincere and hope they come around.

When she's done reading, he gestures for her to give it back to him. He feels bad wasting these pamphlets. Might as well keep writing on the same one.

[rogueinladysclothing]

She'll hand back the pamphlets without question. It seems the man doesn't speak, so she'll be happy to hand back the pamphlets so they can continue to communicate.

"My fear is that my apology will get shrugged off or disregarded because of my habit to... avoid speaking the truth. Without being able to explain myself, it seems likely that my words would be taken as insincere and that any chance of being taken seriously would simply die by taking the 'hope for the best' approach." She sighs and crosses her arms in front of her chest, frowning.

[afaceisnothing]

He gives a short nod in thanks when the pamphlet is given back. Then starts scratching out a new response to hand over. Before he does so, there's a pause, he adds something else quickly, and then offers it. In doing so this time, his fingertips accidentally bump into Amelia's and he snatches his hand back like he'd been burned, then bobs his head several times, perhaps apologetically.

Sometimes our past actions will reflect poorly on our attempts to do right in the present. It is up to your future ones to make your apology ring true.

My name is Rando.

[rogueinladysclothing]

The hand bumping gets a small shakes of her head and a smile. "No harm, no foul. If you're not hurt, then neither am I."

She quickly reads his writing and hands the pamphlet back, sighing again. "It's hard to hope for future actions to make things better if I'm not given the chance to show that I'm being sincere." Another frown, but it doesn't last very long.

"My name's Amelia. It's nice to meet you." She offers a hand for a shake, but she won't be offended if he doesn't take it, given the fervent apology when he merely brushed her hand before.

[gate_crasher]

"There are no magic words," a lizard in shining armor opines, his voice light but a little raspy. "There is no trick. To apologize, sincerely, is to open oneself, to admit one's wrong."

He does have some more practical advice. "It is well, to be specific, that the one you have wronged may know that you understand how you have transgressed. But it is important not to explain--to explain as you apologize is to undercut yourself. 'I am sorry for what I did, even though I believe for these reasons that it was right.' To say such a thing is to be sorry only for the consequences, and that is no true apology."

[rogueinladysclothing]

Just a few weeks ago, a talking lizard in shining armor would have caused her to panic. Possibly caused her to run or fight or faint from shock. Now, however, she jumps only the slightest bit before she relaxes. If the lizard isn't actively trying to hurt her, she's fine.

The rogue frowns deeply. "And if the explanation that goes with it is "I do stupid things when I get like that and I have no real excuse?" I'm not saying I would try to excuse my actions - far from it. What I did was wrong, and that's why the apology is needed. But I worry that not adding the caveat to my apology could mean losing contact with this person when I'm trying to make things right."

[gate_crasher]

The lizard is quite benign. "An explanation seeks to justify the action it explains. To admit that you chose poorly and are without excuse is not that, but is a good beginning to an apology. If I may suggest, it invites a second step: you have admitted to having this flaw. What will you do to amend it?"

[rogueinladysclothing]

"...I don't know." An honest answer that comes with a heavy sigh. "I've never found myself feeling the need to apologize for my actions before."

That's not to say she hasn't done things that require apologies before. This is simply the first time where she actually gives a damn.

[gate_crasher]

"Every journey has a beginning." His tone is gentle, his smile encouraging. "If you were in this other person's position, feeling as they do, what might you hope someone who had wronged you would do? What change in their behavior would move them away from transgressing again in the same way?"

[rogueinladysclothing]

She shakes her head and chuckles rather darkly. "Were I in their position, I would leave me behind. That is what I fear will happen now. I wouldn't care if they changed, or if they promised not to wrong me again, because if they've done it once, they're apt to do it again. It's best to cut that part of your life out and avoid it than let yourself get hurt again."

[brave_heart_verity]

Here, Amelia, Verity's got a coffee for you. It matches her own. Clearly, they have bonded.

"Actions speak louder than words. Want to talk about what happened?"

[rogueinladysclothing]

Amelia's coffee intake is nowhere close to Verity's, but she'll happily accept the distraction. She'd offer a smile, but the question makes her frown instead. She slowly sinks onto a nearby couch, her shoulders slumped forward as she rests her arms on her bended knees.

"...I did something stupid a few weeks ago and never went back to fix it. Never took the time to apologize when I should have. Now I'm afraid that the gift I got for them is going to make it seem like I'm trying to buy my way back into their good graces. But, really, I just... I feel the need to get him something, because I was such an ass and he didn't deserve that."

Apparently there's some inner conflict going on over whether or not to talk about it. Either that or she's really bad at keeping herself from going off on tangents when she's in a bad mood.

[brave_heart_verity]

If Amelia drank as much coffee as Verity does she'd never have been able to learn how to pick a lock. It's truly a wonder that Verity can even get her earrings in without gouging out an eye.

Verity sits down when Amelia does, nearby but not too close, and she'll listen with her usual care. "Ah. Yeah. No, you don't want to do that. What you should do is apologize, and then let him set the terms of the friendship. I'm guessing this isn't someone you know well. An overly elaborate gift will, at best, make you look desperate."

[rogueinladysclothing]

"...fuck."

She sighs and rubs the back of her neck with one hand. "I put Samus in a lot of danger for no reason, then, because I went out of my way to get him something really nice from your world." Her fingers inch their way to her hair pin and then slowly weave their way through the strands of polished flowers. "Hell, I don't even know if he'll talk to me anymore, after what I did. I don't even know if we were friends, let alone if there's still a chance to become friends."

Her lack of true social experience with friends is astounding. She still has no idea that she's made a lot of friends in the Nexus, let alone that they give a damn about her already. If she knew any better, she'd add it to the growing list of things to read about at the Nexus library.

[brave_heart_verity]

Oh, Amelia. That was a very bad thing to say. Verity stares at her for a long moment with growing disgust before she gets up and turns to go.

"So glad the death of my universe provided a good shopping trip for you."

This is what Verity gets for forgetting Amelia doesn't have time to care.